Face-to-face beats facebook when it comes to dating

I can find your perfect match. No, I promise, just take this test, and this one. Fill out this survey, and through the wonders of science and analysis, I can find you the perfect partner. To many of us, this claim seems comical and even preposterous, but all over the Internet and television, dating agencies and interest sites are promising to find someone’s soul mate — or at least a good date.

The fun of these gimmicks ends when people start to think they can actually find a compatible human being through an impersonal, electronic process that rewards computer savvy over face-to-face interaction. Our society needs to recognize these dating agencies for what they are — meaningless fun — and avoid taking them so seriously.

Individuals of all ages, races and sexual orientations are turning to science and technology in their quest for love and romance. Even Rice students — who, unlike the general public, are surrounded by thousands of similarly intelligent people with an institutional bond — have turned to the Internet to meet and reunite with people. Thefacebook.com has become a force of youth culture, connecting each student with thousands of other students in a vast social network.

Naturally, with thefacebook firmly ensconced in everyone’s life, students use it as a dating tool. Because people can search by relationship status and interests, finding new potential friends and dates has become completely feasible. Who hasn’t gotten a ‘NAME wants to add you as a friend’ e-mail from someone you don’t even really know or a poke from some random person? It’s the new flirting for a generation wired into the wonders of technology, and now you can find someone who lives halfway across the country who shares your interests and with whom you could maybe share your love.

But why would a reasonably attractive person in his 20s turn to television or the Internet when he could use the ‘traditional’ methods of our generation — the club, the bar, mutual friends or classes? It seems the unfortunate rise, proliferation and success of these new dating services stems from a media-produced and society-influenced dating panic.

Both television and popular literature, especially shows like the ubiquitous and much-loved ‘Sex in the City,’ tell us that no eligible people exist — no man cute or funny enough, no woman beautiful or smart enough — to meet our standards. And we all believe it. The media fuels our collective sense of loss and gives us an easy way out.

Our culture also promotes personal success at any cost. Your life is deemed incomplete without the requisite degree, the position of power and leisure, and perhaps even the six-figure salary. To accomplish all of this, we push relationships further and further down our list of priorities.

As many of us prepare for graduation and that larger world beyond the hedges, our jobs will soon overtake our social lives. Establishing one’s career involves long hours and complicated office politics; it takes effort and varying degrees of social isolation. Your ability to meet someone ­— anyone ­— suffers as a result.

Amid all of these pressures, the Internet and television dating agencies are not the solution. Rather, they are quick fixes that allow us to feel connected again, all the while further distancing ourselves from reality.

When I watch television stations,from MTV to BET, that are packed with dating games, hookups and commercials pledging to find the right person for you, I realize face-to-face romance is being replaced by the rushed and shortened dating period and the safe, non-confrontational computer screen. A person can forego the clumsiness of introductions, the searing embarrassment of rejection and the nervous anticipation of first dates … but isn’t that half the fun of dating?

The new dating agencies can be fun to experiment with for a while, but when we look for serious romance, we should stick to the old-fashioned methods. Face-to-face interaction makes us work, and it makes the resulting relationships work, too.

Veronica Patton is a Sid Richardson College senior.

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