Sex amazing, but should be saved for marriage

Sex is a wonderful thing. It is the closest form of intimacy between a man and a woman. It is two people completely giving themselves to each other, and the ultimate expression of love and commitment. Sex is not inherently evil; rather, it is inherently good. Not only is sex the means by which we bring forth life, it is also a highly pleasurable experience.

Between two people who love each other and who are deeply committed to one another, sex serves as a seal of that love and commitment. It is a physical expression of a deep emotional bond between two people. Having sex means being completely vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. When two people share love and commitment, that vulnerability only serves to bring them closer together. For these reasons, sex should be respected and not abused.

Our culture does not understand sex as it should. We have perverted that which should be pure and beautiful. For example, advertisers sell products by using suggestive language and showing near-naked women — and sometimes men — in provocative poses. Not only does this devalue sex, but it also disrespects both women and men.

Public displays of sexually stimulating images of women suggest that women are objects to be used and subsequently discarded by men for their own physical pleasure. These advertisements are hurtful to women — consequently viewed as pieces of meat instead of people — as well as to men, who are socialized into believing that taking advantage of women is the cultural norm.

Unfortunately, sex is also used manipulatively on a personal level. Men and women objectify and take advantage of each other for physical pleasure, emotional gain or both. Instead of seeing sex as a gift given to and received from each partner, it is used as a means to power.

Sexual relationships without the proper levels of love and commitment constitute a sad exchange, often with one partner craving physical pleasure and the other craving emotional intimacy. In this scenario, sex is not the selfless giving of body and soul to another; rather, it is the means to selfish ends.

Sex without love and commitment is also emotionally dangerous. Since having sex means being completely vulnerable, sex in an emotionally unsafe environment only leaves people open to hurt. A girl who is sexually involved with her boyfriend is constantly plagued by the question, “What if he breaks up with me?” And after the break-up of a relationship that included sex, a man or a woman is left alone, lamenting that he or she gave away his or her most personal and precious gift to someone who no longer cares for him or her. For this reason and others, non-permanent relationships do not have the proper level of love and commitment for needed sex.

What conditions, then, are appropriate for sex? What relationship provides a safe environment for the personal and precious gift of sex? Marriage. Marriage alone has the level of love and commitment that sex requires.

Imagine if you and your spouse had both saved your ultimate expressions of love only for one another. Then sex with your spouse would truly be something special, because you would know that you had both sacrificed and waited for each other. It would truly be a loving, selfless and mutually edifying experience.

Sex outside of marriage only devalues its splendor, while within marriage it solidifies physical respect and emotional security, providing for the most beautiful sexual experience possible.

Miriam Howland is a Lovett College junior.

Back to top