Students: You know you are a Satanist if…
Satanism does not get a lot of respect on the Rice campus. With so many Christian groups studying for Bible tests and handing out free food, it is hard to talk about Satanism without being shouted down with various references to Dante’s inferno. But if you look around, whether they know it or not, a lot of people at Rice practice Satanism on a regular basis.
When I say Satanism, I do not mean animal sacrificing, biblical beasts or bad deathmetal bands, I mean The Church of Satan, as founded by Anton LaVey in 1966. Under this Church of Satan, people are supposed to follow Satan and what he represents — indulgence, revenge and overall personal gratification.
Why, just look at last week’s Night of Decadence. It was a literal orgy of students seeking physical and emotional fulfillment. Heck, any party can eventually be reduced to people fulfilling their physical and emotional needs, just as Satan commands it.
Even students who prefer to seek out their pleasure in more academic realms, whether researching in a lab or working in a library, walk in the steps of Satan. After all, the Dark Lord supports mental gratification as well and, specifically, undefiled wisdom. Given all the classes, research and intellectual pursuit on our fair campus, we are certainly a bubbling hotbed of demonry.
Even Rice Stadium is home to the Prince of Darkness, especially at the Rice vs. Tulsa game. All the anger and desire for revenge against former coach Todd Graham must truly make the fallen angel proud. Furthermore, the pure muscular demonstration of the sporting event certainly shows that man is just another animal, and a cruel one at that. And don’t get me started on Baker 13.
Most importantly, Rice students follow the Satanic line on what is sinful. The cardinal sin of Satanism, and, arguably, of Rice, is stupidity. Stupidity is not just ignorance, but a willingness to accept one’s own ignorance. Damned by professors, students and the Devil, stupidity truly is the ultimate sin.
So rather than reject Satanism, students should seek it out as a new religion. Read up on the 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth, the 9 Satanic Sins and the 9 Satanic Statements. Sure it may be nothing more than a petty recycling of Randian Objectivism, but people are already handing out Atlas Shrugged like it’s the Bible, so why not take the next step to a true religion based on individuality?
And if you doubt Satanism’s prominence on campus, just look at what many students were celebrating last Wednesday. No, not Halloween, but their own birthdays. Satanism is the worship of one’s self, and your birthday is therefore the greatest celebration. Think about it, every time you blow out the candles, you are performing a Satanic ritual.
So if you give into sin as long as it benefits you, if you help people if it helps you, or even if it leaves you neutral, and if selfishness is your ultimate concern, you may be a Satanist.
Evan Mintz is a Hanszen College senior and executive editor.
Evan Mintz/ Columnist
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