Greg Oden, the Soulja Boy
Thus begin the lyrics to “Crank Dat,” made famous by Soulja Boy, as rewritten by Greg Oden.
(Accompanied dance: Same as “Soulja Boy,” but grab knee and grimace instead of “Supermanning that, um, girl” as the final motion.)
Chorus:
Oden up in th’ NBA Watch me dunk it Watch me play Ain’t no one can ball like me, Wait, what happened to my knee?
It feels like OWWWW (Crank dat Greg Oden!) [repeat 4x]
My name is Greg, if you don’t know me, I’m bout as tall as a big oak tree I’m from the land of good King James Maximus is one of his kid’s names.
But I digress, I’m here today To tell you what I want to say. I’m kind of special, yeah, you see, They say I am a prodigy.
I am a Buckeye, through and through ‘Cept I only did a year of schoo’ We ended up facing a crowd of Gators, Man, they ain’t nothin’ but a bunch of haters
Yeah we lost that final game But all the punks, they knew my name. They said, “He’s powerful, like a boa, Plus he’s got better hair than Joakim Noah!”
[Chorus]
With the season over they said I can’t Play as well as Kevin Durant But don’t even matter, I blocked out those sounds: That fool can’t lift 185 pounds!
The lottery came and Portland got top, And Celtics fans’ dreams made a collective drop. The team known for having the most players in jail; The state all I know I learned from playin’ “Oregon Trail.”
I knew that I’d be number one, (Because I never touched a gun) But also ‘cause, hell, I am a ham, And I look as old as Wayne Graham
Not a ham in the sense of being a pig, But a ham in the sense of dancin’ big, And playing that DDR all night long, Did you know that “Umbrella” is my favorite song?
But alas this year wasn’t meant to be, Since I tore somethin’ up inside my knee, I don’t know what to do, or where to go, So I guess I’ll just have to Superman that CENSORED.
[Chorus]
As serenaded to MC Casey Michel, Blazers fan.
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